How first impressions work

One thing that we all have in common is that we judge.

We judge people because it helps us to identify patterns. These patterns help us to understand other people in relation to ourselves and our own frame of reference.

When you meet any person for the first time you generate a series of first impressions (judgements) about the other person.

How we judge, and what factors we use in order to judge other people, varies widely. For example: If you meet person X and person X is tall, and you like tall people, your overall first impression will be better (or higher) than for someone who is shorter. If height is not relevant to you, then meeting a tall person will not affect your first impression much at all.

First impressions greatly depend on what people consider important. If the person you are meeting likes well dressed and well groomed people, and it is important for you to create a good first impression, you should groom and dress well.

Your Type

All people have a preferred type of person. Type is a combination of physical attributes, body type and even initial energy or vibe. Your type may be tall and skinny with a friendly vibe or energy. (Or completely something else…)

During initial judgement, or “first impressions” you rate the other person on how closely they match your “type” (what you believe your requirements to be).

Remember that the other person will also rate and judge you, based on what they believe they want or need.

How To Create a Good First Impression

Before you actually meet the person IRL, you should collect as much information as possible about what the other person wants.

Collect Information

Before meeting IRL, you can collect information by using flirty banter, just chatting or by simply asking directly. (Ask the other person in a chat or text: “Is height important to you?”)

You need to collect as much information as possible in order to prepare for the best first impression. You do not need to understand whether the other person likes bad breath or not. (Everyone, including you, dislikes bad or rotten breath) So, you should avoid asking dumb questions, unless you are part of a special group of people that specifically likes rotten breath, of course.

Generally all people dislike bad breath, dirty finger nails, poor hygiene and bad self care stuff. So you can safely skip all of these and ensure that you are clean when you meet other people.

If the person you are thinking about meeting does not like very tall people at all and you are a very tall person (9ft and 800 pounds), then you should be open and honest with the other person. Tell them that you are 9 feet tall and weigh 800 pounds. If they are not interested in meeting you, it is what it is, accept it and move on.  You will eventually meet someone that likes extremely tall people.

Understanding or acting on the information you collected

Understand yourself and what you are able to physically provide, and what not. If you are physically very short and the other person absolutely only likes very tall people, your overall first impression will be negatively affected. No matter what you do or try to do, as you do not meet the other persons body type requirements.

Unfortunately many times where physical appearance is extremely important, there is simply not much you could do to improve your first impression score. The good news is that there are many other things that could absolutely increase your first impression score. For example: If you have an amazing sense of humor and immediately cause hysterical laughter this could potentially dwarf any negative physical shortcoming!

Always be totally open and honest with all other people about your physical appearance. Just as much as you would not like to be cat-fished, someone else will not like it either.

Always try to improve your first appearance scores by not only meeting, but also exceeding, the expectations of the other person.

Regarding your own first impression judgements, try to be more open minded. Try to identify your own prejudice and try to be more tolerant of first impression red flags. Sometimes something negative is not as bad as your first impression judgement. Sometimes you could actually accept or move past the initial issue.

The article First Impressions appeared first on Dating Online and Meet IRL.

The main use and goal of flirty banter is to have fun. At the same time it also reveals things about you and you also learn about the other person. Reactions to whatever you say gives you instant feedback about the VIBE and the level of the VIBE, this helps you to make your own decisions. Flirty banter is a form of information gathering as much as it is the giving of information and joy!

Pick up lines could also be flirty, some are overused. Common examples are “is it hot in here? or is it only you”

Reaction to something flirty, like a smile, laughter or a quick comeback gives you instant feedback about the other person. As a bonus, you also get a direction for your next bit of banter. For a great positive vibe type feedback (if you are quite keen yourself), then the path is open to level up to step into the vibe. For lukewarm or more negative type responses, you either have to step up your game or think about stepping out.

When thinking about flirty banter always think about fun. Think about easy, light and generic.

Four top tips for getting your flirty banter on

Look at the other person. Which physical characteristic immediately stands out to you? For example if it is a nose: You could say something simple and easy like: “Wow, you have such a nice nose” (or any version of that). Complimenting the other person is always a safe bet, more so if the compliment it is also actually the truth. If you are in an online chat and you do not even know if you are being cat fished, you could react to the other persons name and compliment that. There is always an easy and true compliment to give.

Prepare in advance: Being flirty and building on the vibe may always hit a dead spot, so have a few backup banters saved up in advance! (You can make flirty banter part of your dating plan?)

Confidence: Confidence is always picked up on and has a multiplier effect on effective banter

Be yourself, be happy and do you!

The article Flirty Banter appeared first on Dating Online and Meet IRL.

Many dating advice sites will tell you that trust is earned and should not just be given. Some dating advice articles even provide you with tools and methods to manage your trust and how you give trust. But the ugly truth about trust is hardly ever spoken of.

If you are attractive you receive more initial trust.

Good looking, attractive people instantly receive more trust from others.

You give hot people more initial trust than you would to non hot people. We all do exactly the same thing. If your attraction is older grey haired people, you will give an average Gen Z (born: 1997-2012) far less initial “free” trust than you would give to an average Gen X (born: 1965 -1980). Similarly if you consider Gen Z as HOT, then the average Gen X will automagically get less initial trust.

In general generalization is always challenging, but in the case of the ugly truth about trust, I would venture that more than two thirds of us do give more initial trust to hotness.

Initial physical attraction is also a plus on the amount of free initial trust we give others. If you are physically attracted to someone you just give them more initial trust.

Of course this does not mean that you will not trust ugly people, or people you do not consider as attractive, but rather that less attractive people have to work a bit harder to squeeze for every bit of trust.

Any RED FLAGS reduces the amount of trust given to you.

Lets say you consider yourself a 5 (FIVE) and you consider that the person you are going to meet for the first time is an 8 (EIGHT) Here are a few TOP tips for you to increase the initial amount of free trust you may be given by the EIGHT:

• Make sure you are neat, tidy, clean and that you smell great! Smell is often overlooked, but a great smell can easily raise you from a FIVE to a SIX!

• Make sure that you look your best self, in all aspects.

• Make sure that you are dressed to the 9’s!

• Smile! – Smiles are under rated, just by smiling you can easily add half a point to your hotness scale!

• Be a winner! Walk like a winner, act like a winner. Your confidence could also add half a point to your overall first impression hotness

To read more about the basics of dating (or dating basics) please start with how to date

The article The ugly truth about trust appeared first on Dating Online and Meet IRL.